Thursday, March 20, 2008

Exercising My Patience

I get a fair amount of exercise. I know what you're thinking. "Gee, NT, you must have that Wii Fit game, huh?" But no, this is actual, real-life exercise involving muscles. And I know what you're thinking now. "Did the electricity go out?" No. It's a long story, but suffice it to say that I exercise regularly. Some might even call it a routine.

The building where I live has an exercise room. In keeping with my arms-wide-open tradition of loving other people, I get up at the ass-crack of dawn to have the room to myself. Usually, this works. Occasionally, other people show up as well. Which brings me to The Asian Couple.

The Asian Couple first showed up last summer, and were there pretty much every day for several months. Then one day they weren't, and I never saw them again. Until this morning.

The exercise room has one TV in the front, and you have to set everything manually (channel, volume, tilt and swivel). I found it very funny during last year's run-in that the young woman started bringing a universal remote with her, to channel-surf whilst on the treadmill.

The Asian Couple have a few interesting quirks. One, they do everything VERY FAST. They don't jog, they RUN, as in 50-yard-dash sprinting. They don't lift weights, they LIFTWEIGHTS. They don't ride the exercise bike, they use it to whip eggs into meringue. Two, they listen to the TV at what seems to be its maximum volume. And three, they like to talk to each other, in their native tongue, and due to the previous quirk, they must SCREAM to be heard. More than once, since the other's first reply is always, "Huh?"

Last, and not least, after exerting themselves, say as they walk very fast on the treadmill between sprints, they make noises that can only be described as the non-dialog parts of a porn movie.

I can only look forward to more shared workout sessions with the deaf porn-grunting Asian couple. And by "look forward to," I mean, of course, "dread."


Ash said...


Ash said...

You should try making porn noises while they are in there. I know it would be hard to do with a straight face, but please, please, please give it a try. It may make them realize how funny they sound. If I woke up early I would go with you and embarrass myself on your behalf, but alas, I do not wake up early unless it is to go on vacation.

On the subject of porn noises… I know a few people who make those types of noises while eating. It kind of drives me crazy. Every once in a while I will catch myself making those noises while enjoying something particularly tasty and I get soooo mad at myself.

Lynn Sinclair said...


Lynn Sinclair said...

Or your own universal remote, discretely hidden.

Anonymous said...

This is what you need NT. Then you can have the power.